My Quarantine Birthday

By Kate Pashby

we entered the virtual strip club
or rather, we all played the prerecorded
strip show at the same time
half a dozen queers in the
solitude of our own homes

I Venmoed the hottest stripper
a redhead with thigh-high
black boots and nipple rings
and she messaged me soon after
“Was this a mistake?
I don’t think we know each other”
before sending the money back to me

I helplessly replied
“I’m so sorry I’m just a lesbian
watching the strip club’s show”
and she laughed and said
she had forgotten the strip club
had included the dancers’ payment info
so I volleyed the money back to her
and told her she was gorgeous, by the way

no, it didn’t work and
we’re not married

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